an open letter to my dog

Whyfore have you decided, at the ripe old age of 6, to start stealing stuff and eating it when you ain’t never done that before?

And seriously? Who eats a box of dryer sheets?? What about that seemed appetizing to you? You didn’t eat the sheets, just the box. Scented cardboard is now your idea of a delicacy? The garlic bread I could understand. But why unwrap my candy thermometer? Do you have a secret taffy-making plan of which I am unaware? And chewing up the Prof’s basketball tickets was just mean.

Straighten up and fly right, or you may find that you are an outdoor-only dog. I’m not foolin’. Don’t test me.

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